by Ben Kitchin
Deep in Outer Space... a ginormous crab slowly drifted.
It ate everything that crossed its path.
Asteroids... comets... space junk... even small moons... its belly was never full.
The ginormous space crab grew bigger... and bigger... and bigger.
Then one day it started floating towards a pretty little blue and green planet called Earth.
On the way to Earth it came across the Xaxians...
not even the Martians could stop the enormous crustacean's slow arc.
The earthlings saw the ginormous space crab in their telescopes and on their radars.
"A humungous naughty space crab is coming for us!"
"It'll grab us in its claws and gobble us all up!"
"We're doomed! Aaaaaaaargh!"
We can't just do nothing, we have to try and do something to stop it!" shouted the Prime Minister.
The earthlings tried laser cannons... they tried photon blasters... they tried supersonic torpedoes... but the crab's thick, crusty shell was unbreakable. The space crab drifted closer...
"Maybe we could try talking to it nicely?" suggested the President.
"Please be a nice ginormous space crab and leave us alone?"
"Earthlings taste horrible you know! Like dog poo and burnt cheese!"
"We'll give you anything you want! Just please don't eat us!"
The space crab said nothing... the space crab drifted closer...
"Maybe we could give it lots of food to fill it up? If it's not hungry it won't want to eat us!" said the Queen.
Giant hamburgers... massive meatballs... colossal cream buns...
The ginormous space crab grew bigger.... and bigger... and bigger! The space crab drifted closer...
"Wait a minute!" yelled a little farm girl who'd eaten too many baked beans for breakfast. "I think I've got the answer!"
She told the Prime Minister, the President and the Queen what to do.
All the baked bean factories in all the world poured their beans into an enormous can. The space crab drifted closer... its claws began to open wide... its mouth started clicking and clacking...
Baboom! went the baked beans rocket.
The ginormous space crab's tummy rumbled...the enormous space crab's belly grumbled... the gigantic space crab's guts fizzed and warbled... and then....
The ginormous space crab's bottom was like a tremendous rocket. The space crab blasted off out of the Earth's solar system and zigzagged haphazardly across the Milky Way.
It didn't stop until Glump! it was swallowed up by a black hole. Everybody agreed it was a fitting end to the ginormous, naughty space crab.
Ben Kitchin is a primary school teacher and has five of his own kids. He enjoys trying to write humorous, engaging stories for children. His first picture book, Dont Wake the Troll (illustrated by the illustrious Ben Redlich) was released late last year.
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